


if saving you sends me to heaven, it’s okay

by cumuluseal (sungwoontrash)



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-19 22:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17610053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungwoontrash/pseuds/cumuluseal
Summary: seongwu has been living together with a ghost for a month. he’s definitely not afraid of ghosts. but one thing he is afraid of: falling in love.





	1. 1.

“Hi.”

 

A tiny figure appeared as soon as Seongwu opened the door of his apartment. It’s always been like this whenever he went home after a long tiring day at the university. The figure was smiling widely at him, with both of his hands on his back as he looked at Seongwu with his shining bright eyes.

 

 _Too bright,_ Seongwu thinks and wonders if the man knew what he was doing on his apartment.

 

Seongwu sighed before he looked away from the man. He removed his shoes from his feet and was about to put it on his shoe rack when the man grabbed it from him while smiling, “I’ll put this for you, Ddeongwu,” He said, energetically.

 

Seongwu stared at him for a little while before he released the shoes from his hands and let the man put it on the shoe rack for him. He was too tired to move so he let him anyways. Spending almost 12 hours at the university made Seongwu lose his strength all over his body. He proceeded on walking towards the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. He glanced at the dining table with no food left on it.

 

“I’m sorry, Ddeongwu. You know that I don’t know how to cook, right?” The man said apologetically at him. His puffy lips pouted at him but Seongwu looked away.

 

He shrugged his shoulders as he poured water on his glass, “More like you can’t cook,” He cleared out. The man gave him a confused look as he tilted his head on his side while he scratch his forehead.

 

“What is that suppose to mean?” The man asked him out of his curiosity. Seongwu shook his head and had put down the glass of water on the table. He was hungry, his tummy growling ever since he finished his late night class. But he couldn’t cook himself a food, no matter how much he wanted to have a homemade meal.

 

“Nothing,” Seongwu finally replied to him. Seongwu sat on the couch on his living room and picked up the telephone to call for a delivery food. A few more rings before the restaurant finally answered, “Can I have two bowls of jjajangmyeon? 2 sets of mandu and 1 set of sweet and sour pork,” He said to the other line. He nodded for multiple times before he hang up the call.

 

The man watched him go to his bedroom and closed the door. He just sat on the couch and stare at the television on his front without even opening it to watch some shows. That’s pretty weird. He had been on the house for the whole day and he clearly knew that he was bored but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. The man just shrugged his thoughts and played with his fingers as he wait for Seongwu. He heard the water splashing down across the room, signalling that Seongwu was taking a bath. A few moments, the door bell rang as the deliveryman said outside, “Your delivery is here.”

 

The man immediately stood up from where he was sitting and waited for Seongwu to come out of his room. Seongwu just finished taking a bath when he heard the door bell rang, “Get the delivery for me!” He screamed as he put the towel on his lower body.

 

The man nodded even without Seongwu seeing him. He was about to start walking towards the door when Seongwu realized something. Seongwu immediately went out of the bedroom with only a towel covering his lower body. His hair was still wet, water all over his upper part. The man covered his eyes with his tiny hands due to the shock he felt when he saw Seongwu.

 

Seongwu flinched at his position and covered his upper body with his arms. The door bell rang for the fifth time so he had to run towards the door to claim it, “I’ll do it,” He said instead. The delivery man seemed to be frustrated by how long it took Seongwu to open the door but when he realized that Seongwu just finished taking a bath, he let out a tiny smile, “Thank you, sir. Enjoy your midnight snack!”

 

Seongwu nodded before he closed the door. He brought the food on his center table on the living room before he went to his bedroom to change into his clothes. When he went out after changing, the man was already sitting on the floor, facing the food on the table.

 

“Let’s eat!” The man cheered delightfully before he got himself the bowl of jjajangmyeon and his chopsticks. He was about to get the chopsticks when Seongwu grabbed it away from the table. He pouted while looking at Seongwu, “Why? I am hungry,” He said, stroking his tummy in a circular motion.

 

Though it’s a little weird, the man thought. He had been on the apartment for the whole day yet he didn’t feely any hunger. Though he wanted to eat, for real.

 

“You can’t eat,” Seongwu said nonchalantly before he mixed his own bowl of jjajangmyeon, “Besides, this is all mine. Did you ordered for yourself?” Seongwu raised his eyebrows at the man.

 

The man pouted his lips at Seongwu and crossed his arms over his chest like a real kid, “You ordered two bowls and I thought you ordered for us two,” He grumpily said to him, “How long will you ignore me in this apartment?”

 

Seongwu looked up to him, like his eyes were asking if the man was joking. He stared at the man, who stared at him back with a pout, before he shook his head at the man and shove his mouth with the noodles, “You do not belong here, Mr.,” Seongwu didn’t even know his name.

 

“Sungwoon. Sungwoon’s my name. How come you never ask for it?” Sungwoon said, looking at him intently while he eats his food.

 

“Because I don’t even know you,” Seongwu shrugged his shoulders.

 

Sungwoon rolled his eyes in disbelief, “That’s why I am introducing myself to you. Plus, we are roommates so we need at least to be friends, you know,” Sungwoon exclaimed, as if he was already irritated by the cold treatment he got from his supposed to be _roommate_.

 

Seongwu put down his chopsticks and looked at Sungwoon with so much attention, making the other almost melt on his position, “Just to be clear, we are not roommates. Do you see any other room that belongs to you?” Seongwu raised his eyebrows.

 

“Yes,” Sungwoon nodded at him excitedly, “That one,” He pointed out a room that was locked ever since Seongwu moved in to the apartment. The owner said it was a storage room filled with the stuff that the previous owner had left, “But I couldn’t open it, though.”

 

Seongwu cursed under his breath and wished that he couldn’t see anything at all. Because everything frustrates him, plus the fact that the man in his front kept on insisting something that he knew was impossible. Well at least for Seongwu, everything was impossible for the man.

 

“Well as far as I remember, that room was a storage room. It was not yours,” He said, pointing out at the room, “And you are not my roommate, Sunghoon. This is not a dorm, this is an apartment.”

 

“Sungwoon. My name is Sungwoon, not Sunghoon,” Sungwoon rolled his eyes at him but Seongwu just shrugged, “If I am not your roommate and you didn’t even know me, why am I here? Why did I wake up one day and suddenly you’re here? I was the first one here, but why are you pushing me away?”

 

Too many questions running through Sungwoon’s mind but neither of it all was answered by Seongwu. He shrugged his shoulders multiple times at every question that was asked. Probably he was to occupied on eating his midnight snack, or he was too lazy to answer all that damn question from some unknown guy, or maybe, maybe he just didn’t know how to tell him the real thing.

 

That he didn’t belong there.

 

~

 

“Okay, so tell me, how could I tell him?” Seongwu flipped the pages of his notebook while he was studying on a library with his friends, Jaehwan and Woojin. He was not even reading the notes he had written, nor he was not even interested in studying.

 

Jaehwan raised his eyebrows without looking at the older, “Who is that him we are talking about here?” He asked while trying to solve nuclear solutions on his paper.

 

“Sunghoon,” Seongwu answered, “I mean, Sungwoon,” He changed his answer right away when he remembered the name of the man.

 

“Who is that Sungwoon? New catch?” Woojin smirked and playfully taps his shoulders, “You are really incredible with boys, huh?”

 

“No, definitely he’s not a new catch,” Seongwu shook his head at them, “Fuck this, he was the ghost living with me in my apartment,” Seongwu exclaimed and messed his hair in frustration.

 

“The ghost?!” Both Woojin and Jaehwan bursted out. Their faces were saying _What the fuck?_ so Seongwu just nodded at them, “So the ghost has its name now?” Woojin uttered.

 

“Yeah, sort of,” Seongwu blunted, “I only knew about it yesterday,” He explained to the two.

 

Jaehwan went back in solving his chemistry course, “Don’t you ever tell him he was a ghost, Seongwu hyung. I am telling you now so don’t ever think about it,” Jaehwan muttered.

 

Seongwu gave him a questioning look, even Woojin was confused with what Jaehwan had said, “But why? Shouldn’t I tell him so he would stop lurking around my apartment? I just want to live in peace.”

 

Jaehwan looked up to them, stopping himself from solving his homework due that day, “Once you tell a ghost, that he was a ghost rather than a normal human being, he would only be curious about the reason why and how he died. He would grab the opportunity to ask you for help to seek about his past life,” Jaehwan explained, “They wouldn’t stop bothering you unless you would help them.”

 

“But Sungwoon is already bothering me just by being around the apartment,” Seongwu exclaimed with a loud sigh that made the other students looked at them.

 

“Well, it’s not like your afraid of ghosts or something, right?” Woojin asked him. Seongwu nodded, “But you were not like this last year. How come you are now seeing ghosts?”

 

“After the accident,” Seongwu shrugged, “After the accident, the moment I woke up in the hospital room, I could see them clearly with my eyes. I even thought I was really dead that time,” Seongwu laughed, “They were all staring at me intently and I figured I should’ve died.”

 

Jaehwan laughed too, shaking his head, “Does it mean the accident opened your third eye? Well, it’s possible, the car hit your real hard on the head, anyways,” Jaehwan said, “Making you lose all your memory, like that.”

 

“I think so too,” Seongwu muttered, “But I wish they just only took my memories and not open my third eye at all,” He said, “Never in my life I have imagined to leave on an apartment with a ghost. An annoying ghost, I suppose.”

 

“Well, maybe the best thing you should do is to treat him well,” Jaehwan advised him, “Like treat him like a normal person, talk to him properly, feed him and maybe even buy him new clothes. So that he wouldn’t notice any hints that he was a ghost.”

 

“But he couldn’t even touch anything with his bare hands,” Seongwu asked in frustration, “How could he even eat with chopsticks?”

 

“That could be fixed, I guess. Let him touch things by himself. He could practice it while you are not around,” Jaehwan shrugged and finally returned to solving his paper in his chemistry course.

 

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt Seongwu if he would try to treat Sungwoon normally, right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys like to ask me something about the fic or talk to me,,, here’s my twitter [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/sungwoondrous)


	2. 2.

“Hi.”

 

“Will you stop saying _hi_ every time I arrive from school?” Seongwu blunted out to Sungwoon, who was standing in front of the door of his apartment, “And why are you always standing there every damn time I go home?”

 

“Because you look tired after school so I hope maybe I could cheer you up just a little, you know,” Sungwoon giggled and motioned his fingers to form a tiny circle, “Well, I don’t know whether it was annoying for you or something.”

 

“Just—“ Seongwu started, “Just sit on the couch, okay? You don’t have to welcome me every time I am back home. Just sit there and say hi,” He said, sighing heavily while removing his shoes.

 

“Fine,” Sungwoon agreed to him. He handed over his palms to Seongwu, who was removing his shoes from his feet, “Let me do it for you,” He said.

 

Seongwu looked up to him and gave him his shoes, “Place it properly, Sungwoon,” He said before he turned his way towards the couch.

 

“Geez,” Sungwoon muttered, “I know. I’ve been doing this for a month now,” He said while placing the shoes on the shoe rack. He faced Seongwu who was already looking at him.

 

“You were already here for a month?” Seongwu asked with his wide eyes open.

 

“And so are you,” Sungwoon said as he sat on the couch with him, “You moved in last month, right? I woke up with the sound of the door creaking open and you were moving your stuff with your friends. I was asking you if you were my roommate but you only glanced at me, so rude.”

 

“Yeah,” Seongwu whispered, “I guess it’s been a month since you started bothering me. I just wanted to live in peace.”

 

“Ya, Ddeongwu!” Sungwoon exclaimed, “I am not bothering you. How dare you accuse something like that!”

 

“Seongwu is my name. Stop calling me by that nickname you just made,” Seongwu rolled his eyes at him.

 

“But it’s cute though,” Sungwoon said, pouting his lips once again. Seongwu rolled his eyes, probably too irritated by the way Sungwoon acting like a child in front of him. Now, he wondered if they were the same age because Sungwoon clearly looked younger than him.

 

Not because he was cute. Definitely not. Seongwu thought.

 

“Pass me the remote,” Seongwu said, his foot pointing out the remote that was placed on top of the center table. Sungwoon nodded and tried to grab the remote but he couldn’t.

 

Sungwoon tried to reach for it multiple times and Seongwu noticed how his grip was just like an air whenever he grabbed the remote, “Fuck,” Seongwu muttered under his breath, “Stop.”

 

Sungwoon stopped right there as Seongwu grabbed the remote on the center table, “Are you mad?” Sungwoon pouted, “I-I am s-sorry. T-there’s s-something w-wrong with my h-hands.”

 

Seongwu sighed and opened the television, “I am not mad so don’t cry, okay?” Seongwu said when he noticed Sungwoon was hugging himself and sniffed quietly beside him. 

 

Sungwoon nodded and wiped the tears from his eyes, “What are we gonna watch?” He asked after a few seconds of recovering from his sudden outburst, “Are we gonna watch a romance film?” Sungwoon asked, almost peeking his head towards the remote control.

 

“We’re gonna watch a horror film,” Seongwu blankly said. Then suddenly Sungwoon moved closer to him and saw how his tiny hands were all over his arms. But he couldn’t _feel_ anything. He couldn’t _feel_ his grip, “What do you think you are doing?”

 

“Ddeongwu, I am scared. Aren’t you?” Sungwoon answered, with his legs all up to his chest and snuggled towards Seongwu.

 

Seongwu laughed, “I am not scared of ghosts, I could even see them up close,” He smirked, “I am even living with a ghost right now, so why would I?” He blurted out.

 

“What?” Sungwoon exclaimed on his ears, “We are living with a ghost here in the apartment? Why didn’t you tell me?” Sungwoon whispered, “Is that why the storage room was lock? Is that because that was the ghost’s room?”

 

Seongwu looked up to him, all snuggled on his side, and glanced at the storage room that was locked ever since he moved in, “Maybe it was your room,” Seongwu whispered to himself when he realized.

 

“What?” Sungwoon looked up to him, “You told me that was not my room so stop scaring me, will you?” Sungwoon pouted and removed his grip from his arms.

 

Seongwu shrugged and kept his gaze towards the television. But he couldn’t help not to look at the storage room. The movie started, well, chosen by Seongwu even though Sungwoon didn’t want to watch scary movies. Ghosts were scary, said by himself. The movie was the usual horror movie you would see on the cinemas. The usual jump-scares, the effects that made it more creepy and thrilling, the ghosts that didn’t look that scary at all, plus the fact that the main lead was just a doll. It was not scary at all.

 

Well, that’s Seongwu, who was not scared at all. But the tiny man on his side didn’t do anything but screamed on the top of his lungs, jumped multiple times, snuggled towards Seongwu, little hands covering his eyes, while cursing about how scary the movie was.

 

Seongwu even had to pause the movie to stop Sungwoon from making noise every scene, but that wouldn’t help. Sungwoon was still scared, anyways. Seongwu had to stop the movie entirely so that Sungwoon would gradually ease the fright on himself.

 

“Look how scared are you,” Seongwu teased as he looked down at Sungwoon, who was clinging to his arms with his eyes closed. Seongwu had to nudge him on his shoulders, “It’s already gone, you kiddo. You can open your eyes now.”

 

“What if Annabelle was here?” Sungwoon said on a low voice, still not opening his eyes. Sure Sungwoon was so scared of ghosts, unknown that he, himself, was a ghost. Seongwu wondered how could even the man react once he knew he was a ghost. Would he be scared at all?

 

Seongwu rolled his eyes and nudged him again, “How old are you? 3? Stop acting like a child, that was just a horror film!” Seongwu said, laughing.

 

Sungwoon got up and removed his hands from clinging to Seongwu, “I am 25 years old, I am not 3!” Sungwoon exclaimed, crossing his arms again with a pout. That was sure the older’s habit every time Seongwu says something he didn’t like.

 

“You’re 25?” Seongwu asked in a high tone, “Are you saying you are older than me? What the fuck,” Seongwu cursed. All this time he believed that Sungwoon was younger than him. Judging by the way he moved, the way he talked, and even the way he always pout his puffy lips, Seongwu was so sure he was older than him. But it was vice versa.

 

“I know,” Sungwoon smiled, “I was just letting you be that rude to me ever since, even though I was older than you, kiddo,” Sungwoon giggled. Seongwu stared at him for three good seconds, examining how could that face be one year older than him. 

 

“What the fuck,” Seongwu blurted, not believing what Sungwoon just said, “How come you are that small?” He teased the older.

 

“Ya!” Sungwoon slapped his shoulders real hard but Seongwu didn’t feel anything. Seongwu just laughed at him and stood up to go to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and looked for something he could cook for the both of them, well, since they were on good terms, he figured maybe he could also cook for Sungwoon, “Are you gonna cook your dinner?”

 

“Hmm,” Seongwu hummed in response while examining the ingredients left on his refrigerator. There were just kimchi, ham, eggs and nothing much but left over spring onions on the bottom. Seongwu realized he should probably go to the grocery store and fill up the stock at his apartment, “Maybe, kimchi fried rice would be nice. What do you think?”

 

“What?” Sungwoon turned his head at his direction with mouth hanged open, as he looked at Seongwu with a shocked expression, “Did you just—“

 

Seongwu smirked and took out the ingredients so that he could start cooking immediately, “What? Don’t you want to eat dinner with me?” He asked the older.

 

“Well—“ Sungwoon smiled to him like a real angel sent by heaven, “I’ve always wanted to, you know. Every time you are away I would glance at your stock of foods, figuring whether I should eat or not. But then I couldn’t touch anything with my hands and I never felt hungry so I didn’t,” He told him. Seongwu gave him a glance, “This is nice, I think we are starting to get along well.”

 

Seongwu just gave him a smile that didn’t even reach his eyes. Seongwu turned his back at him and pretended to start preparing the ingredients for the kimchi fried rice he decided to cook. He had come to realize how good Sungwoon was. To be honest, he knew that for the first time he saw the man.

 

The way he was greeted by him the moment he opened the door of the apartment, the way he would always look at him with desperation, like he wanted them to talk, like he wanted them to be friends.

 

Seongwu was sure he was not afraid of ghosts, and he pretty knew that Sungwoon would never harm him. But things were hard for him before, that he couldn’t just talk to anyone else. So he distanced himself to him.

 

And now that he was starting to see the real Sungwoon behind those white smoke always surrounding him wherever he goes, behind that white shirt and pants he wore ever since they first saw each other, behind those eyes, those smiles, Seongwu wanted to know why. How he died? Why he died?

 

But all of those would remain unanswered, unless it was Sungwoon himself who would want to know the reason behind.

 

“Let’s eat,” Seongwu called out after he cooked kimchi fried rice. Sungwoon excitedly stood up from sitting at the couch while he watched Mr. Bean on the television that Seongwu had set up for him.

 

“Can we just eat here?” Sungwoon said, pointing out at the center table, “I want to watch Mr. Bean while eating,” He said like a child. Seongwu just nodded and proceed on moving the two bowls of kimchi fried rice towards the center table on the living room, “Thank you, Ddeongwu.”

 

Seongwu sat beside him on the couch while he stared at Sungwoon as he prayed with his eyes closed and his hands clasped together. When the older was done, he stared at the spoon beside the bowl. He slowly moved his hands towards the utensil and gather all his strength before grabbing it.

 

But nothing happened. His grip was like a smoke that he couldn’t touch nor move the spoon with his hands. Sungwoon looked at Seongwu with teary eyes, “What’s wrong with me? I couldn’t touch anything. This spoon, the door knob, the pillow even the remote. Why couldn’t I touch anything, Ddeongwu?”

 

“Shh,” Seongwu tried to hush him by patting his back but just like Sungwoon, his touch went by just like a smoke. He kept his hands to himself, “There’s nothing wrong, okay. Maybe you just couldn’t grab anything now but it would work if you would practice.”

 

“Do you think so?” Sungwoon gave him a worried look before he looked at the kimchi fried rice on the table, “Will I be able to eat then, if I practice?”

 

“Yes,” Seongwu assured him. Seongwu grabbed the bowl and the spoon, “But for now, I’ll just feed you,” He said, all shy in front of Sungwoon, who smiled at him widely after his suggestion. Sungwoon clapped his hands and opened his mouth, where Seongwu gave him a mouthful of the fried rice.

 

“Woah, this is so delicious, Ddeongwu,” Sungwoon clapped his hands again, chewing the fried rice that Seongwu had put on his mouth. Seongwu stared at the spoon, still with the fried rice he originally scooped. Then he looked at Sungwoon, who was chewing something for real on his mouth.

 

“Are you eating it?” Seongwu asked in curiosity while still holding on to the spoon, “For real?”

 

“Yes,” Sungwoon answered, opening his mouth to make Seongwu see the rice on his mouth. Both of them looked at the spoon on Seongwu’s hands, “Give me some again, please?” Sungwoon demanded. Immediately, Seongwu lifted up the spoon to his mouth which made Sungwoon confused, “Hey, that’s empty. Put some rice on it!”

 

Seongwu gave him a look, “So this is how ghosts eat?” He whispered on himself before he put back the fried rice he just scooped, and proceed on scooping another for Sungwoon. Sungwoon immediately ate the fried rice on the spoon while he watched Mr. Bean.

 

Few minutes and Sungwoon told him that he was already full. Judging by how many scoops he had shove on Sungwoon’s mouth, he was pretty sure that Sungwoon ate the whole bowl of fried rice. 

 

But in Seongwu’s eyes, the bowl was still pretty full. Even a single grain was not eaten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys like to ask me something about the fic or talk to me,,, here’s my twitter [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/sungwoondrous)


	3. 3.

“Hi.”

 

Seongwu woke up to the sound of Sungwoon’s voice early in the morning. The moment he opened his eyes, he saw Sungwoon standing beside his bed while looking at him, “Hmm,” He hummed, “What’s the matter?”

 

“Your alarm keeps on ringing but I couldn’t stop it and you were not awaken by it, so I figured if I should wake you up. Plus the door was open so I entered. I am here to remind you that you might be late for your class,” Sungwoon said to him. Seongwu nodded, as he robbed his eyes with his hands, “It’s already 7:30. You should probably get up by now.”

 

Seongwu immediately stoop up from lying, making his head ache due to the sudden move, “Ugh,” He blurted while holding his head, “Why didn’t you tell me as soon as I wake up?” He said as he stood up. Sungwoon fixed his slippers so that Seongwu could slip his feet faster.

 

“But I told you would be late, so I figured you would understand it already,” Sungwoon giggled while watching Seongwu rushed towards the bathroom. Sungwoon thought maybe he could help Seongwu get ready faster so he stood up in front of the cabinet and gathered all his strength to open it. His hands were trembling but he still decided to try gripping the handle.

 

First try, failed. Second try, still failed. Third try, Sungwoon gripped the handle once again. He too, himself, was surprised as he felt the handle on the palm of his hands. Without even waiting, he tried to pull it but ended up losing his grasp. Sungwoon sighed as he stood there when he didn’t notice that Seongwu was already finished taking a bath.

 

“What are you doing there?” Seongwu asked while he wiped the excess water on his hair. Sungwoon looked at him with a pout and pointed out the cabinet, “Are you trying to open it?”

 

Sungwoon nodded, “Yes. Ddeongwu, I felt it. I felt it on my palms but I couldn’t open it,” Sungwoon ranted to him.

 

Seongwu just shrugged and laughed, “Maybe you need more practice,” He said, opening the cabinet and rummaging over his clothes. Sungwoon was standing there still after he chose what he would wear, “Are you just gonna watch me change my clothes or—“

 

“What? No!” Sungwoon defended himself and turned his back at him in a split second. He walked out in a hurry, “You should probably close the door. You know I couldn’t do it!” He shouted outside the room. Seongwu shook his head and laughed before he closed the door.

 

Few minutes when Seongwu walked out from his room, he saw Sungwoon in front of counter where the newly washed utensils were placed. Sungwoon was trying to pick up the chopsticks with his hands, immediately failing right after he touched it.

 

Seongwu smiled at the sight before he went to fix his things and put everything on his bag. He placed different magazines on the center table which he think Sungwoon could practice once he leave for school, “Here you go,” He said, pointing at the magazines, “You could practice flipping the pages of the magazine or you could try picking up the remote and turning on the television.”

 

Sungwoon nodded as he walked over at the living room as he glanced towards the magazines that were placed nicely on the table, “I’ll definitely practice while you’re gone!” He cheered excitedly.

 

“Oh, before I forgot,” Seongwu said as he stood up and hung his back up on his shoulders, “The books that I’ve ordered from the online shop would be shipped today but I’ll be out until late afternoon. I’ll received it so don’t mind opening the door, okay?” Seongwu reminded him.

 

Sungwoon nodded, “Okay,” He answered before he waved his tiny hands to Seongwu as a sign of good bye, “Be good at school, Ddeongwu-ya!” He said, making Seongwu laughed before he closed the door.

 

Sungwoon sat down on the couch, “This is gonna be a long day,” He said to himself as he started to practice flipping the pages of the magazine. It had been an hour ever since he started but he still couldn’t touch the tip of the pages.

 

“Woah,” He exclaimed after 3 hours of practicing when he finally flipped the cover of the magazine, “It took me 3 hours for just a page,” He complained while looking at the first page of the magazine. Sungwoon scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, “I don’t understand why it was hard for me to touch everything unless it belongs to Seongwu?”

 

Sungwoon remembered how he could touch the shoes of Seongwu since the start whenever he put it on the shoe rack for the younger, “Something is strange,” He muttered to himself. He stood up and went to the shoe rack where some of Seongwu’s shoes were placed. He moved his hands towards a shoe and tried to pick it up. And he did.

 

Sungwoon then went to Seongwu’s bedroom where some of his clothes were hanging on his coat hanger beside the cabinet. Sungwoon walked towards it and tried to touch the coat. And he did. Sungwoon looked around as he tried to find something he could try and then he looked at bed sheet. Sungwoon tried to flip it but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even pick up the pillow.

 

“This is strange. How come I could only touch the necessities of Seongwu easily and not the other things?” He asked himself as he walked back towards the living room. He sat on the couch as he thought of the unusual happenings he had been experiencing ever since last month. 

 

The sun was shining brighter than usual outside and Sungwoon could only see the clear sky on the apartment’s window. Sungwoon was curious about how the outside of the apartment looked like. Would there be some trees, or plants? Would there be kids playing on the street, or would there be cars parked in front of the apartment? Sungwoon was curious that he wanted to go outside and checked it himself.

 

It had been a month ever since he was locked up inside the apartment. Aside from not being able to touch nor hold anything, he didn’t have any idea what his life were ever since he woke up and saw Seongwu moving in. It was like some part of his past was hidden, that he couldn’t remember anything.

 

Aside from his name and his age, he didn’t know anything about himself. Like where were his parents, were they still alive? Did he had siblings? Was he still studying? What course could he be taking? Did he had some friends? Too many questions ran through his mind every time he was alone inside the apartment. Too many strange things were happening that Sungwoon thought if he was really alive. Because he felt like he wasn’t.

 

Sungwoon stood up from sitting, “I want to go outside!” Sungwoon said to himself before he proceeded on walking towards the door. Sungwoon knew that Seongwu reminded him not to open the door, but he really wanted to go outside so he stood on its front and practiced opening the knob.

 

It took him good 30 minutes before he was able to grasp the knob. Sungwoon took a deep breath and focus on the knob before he proceeded on twisting it. The moment he twisted the knob was the exact moment the door bell rang. Sungwoon was able to open the door widely, as he caught the sight of the deliveryman with package on his hand while the other hands was hanging towards the door bell.

 

The deliveryman’s mouth was hung open as he sees nothing inside when the door was widely open right in front of his eyes. Without noticing, he dropped the package on the floor making Sungwoon surprised, “Mr., what’s wrong?” He asked before he tried to pick up the package with his hands. For the first time, he made it within a few tries,

 

“Fuck,” The deliveryman shouted before he ran away towards the hallway. Sungwoon went out to see why the man ran after leaving the package on the front door. At that time, Seongwu was walking on the hallway when he saw the deliveryman running, “There’s a ghost!”

 

“What?” Seongwu exclaimed before he ran towards his apartment, with the door wide open and Sungwoon peeking outside while holding the package.

 

“Oh, you’re here!” Sungwoon smiled widely while greeting him. But anger was seen on Seongwu’s face so he stepped back from where he was standing, “What’s wrong, Ddeongwu?” He asked while looking at Seongwu.

 

Seongwu closed the door behind him loudly that made Sungwoon flinched on his position, “Didn’t I tell you not to open that goddamn door? Didn’t I?” Seongwu was flaming in anger as he looked at Sungwoon, who was frightened by his sudden outrage.

 

“I-I’m s-sorry,” Sungwoon said, his voice trembling, “I-I w-wasn’t s-supposed t-to r-receive t-the p-package. I-I w-was j-just p-practicing t-to o-open t-the d-door w-when h-he a-arrived,” Sungwoon explained as he hold the package on his hands.

 

Seongwu grabbed it from him and walked on the living room. He dropped the package on the floor and looked at Sungwoon with a glare, “I put up the magazine and the remote for you to practice and you practiced with the door? Right when I told you not to open it?” Seongwu shouted, “And what? You wanted to open the door? Why? Do you want to leave? You also want to leave me? Then leave!”

 

“D-ddeongwu, i-it’s n-not l-like that!” Sungwoon said, continually trembling on where he was standing. Tears were streaming down his face as he looked at Seongwu, “I didn’t want to leave. I just—I just wanted to see how it looked like outside. I’ve been locked up here for a month and I just—“ He finally broke down, “There’s so many questions running through my mind. Why am I not studying? Why am I just here? Why couldn’t I remember anything? Why can’t I touch anything? Why am I so strange? I just want to become normal like you. I just want to study. I want to try to cook. I couldn’t even take a bath. I couldn’t even change my clothes. I couldn’t even eat anything I like. I couldn’t live like a normal person like you!”

 

“Because you are not normal!” Seongwu shouted back. His hands were trembling on his side as he looked at Sungwoon, crying in front of him for the first time, “Because you are a ghost!”

 

“What?” was all the Sungwoon could say after what Seongwu had told him, “I am a...g-ghost?” He cleared out.

 

“Yes you are,” Seongwu exclaimed, “You are a ghost living in this apartment ever since I moved in. You are a ghost that won’t stop pestering me, saying hi every damn time I went home. You are a ghost that had been lurking around here like you belong here, when clearly you don’t. Stop acting like you are a normal person because you are not. You are a ghost, Sungwoon! You don’t belong here!”

 

Sungwoon bowed down his head for a moment, his tears were continuously running through his cheeks down to the floor. His shoulders were on a up and down manner, as he sobbed quietly on his position. Seongwu looked at him with stress as he messed up his hair, “Now, if you want to leave. Then just leave me alone. You are a ghost, but you are just like them. You all just want to leave me,” Seongwu said, banging the door of his bedroom.

 

Sungwoon was left there, all alone, standing in the living room as he cried his heart out. He had felt it before, like he wasn’t alive. Because he didn’t feel anything at all, he didn’t feel like something is concerning him at all. Like he wanted to eat but he wasn’t even hungry at all. Like he wanted to sleep but he wasn’t sleepy at all. Like he wanted to take a bath but he wasn’t smelly at all. 

 

He had felt it before but he shook it out of his mind. Because deep down on his mind, he wanted to live. So bad. He wanted to live like Seongwu. But right now that the truth had been thrown on his face, his chest started to be broken. It was right there, in front of his face, all along, but he chose to ignore it. He knew he wasn’t normal, just by the way he couldn’t touch anything, just by the way his skin was a lot different from Seongwu’s, from the way there’s always a hint of smoke following him around. He knew he wasn’t normal, but he wanted to be one.

 

Emotions were flowing on his chest that it probably suffocates him just by being inside the apartment. Sungwoon looked at Seongwu’s bedroom, the door was shut close, and not even a single sound was produced by the younger ever since he came inside. Sungwoon wiped his tears as he roam his eyes around the apartment he had been lurking around for a month.

 

No matter how he never live like how a normal person would, it still felt home. And how his heart was aching just by the thought of Seongwu wanting him to leave, he started to tear up. Because Seongwu was his home. Not because Seongwu was the only person he knows. Not because he was living with him.

 

Because Seongwu was his home, that he started to feel he was alive. That he started wanting to be alive. Just for him. Because he would never want to leave him. 

 

Ever. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys like to ask me something about the fic or talk to me,,, here’s my twitter [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/sungwoondrous)


	4. 4.

Maybe due to the tiredness Seongwu felt that night. Maybe due to his sudden outburst to Sungwoon. Maybe he cared. Maybe he didn’t want him to know. Maybe he just didn’t want him to leave. Seongwu opened his eyes, as he heard the door creak open in the middle of the night. He turned his head towards the door of his bedroom, but it wasn’t open. Then he realized it was the door of the apartment. 

 

He closed his eyes in frustration, trying his best to make himself fall asleep, but he couldn’t. He wanted to stand up from lying, to see if Sungwoon really did leave. But he was hoping, that Sungwoon was there.

 

With his head starting to ache, memories came crushing down, though everything was vague, everything was unclear, everything was a blur. All he saw was the back of the man, walking away from him. Then he saw himself crossing the street, a car on his side. Then he heard someone shouting his name, a loud screech, a deafening bang on his body that made him fell from where he was standing.

 

As he tried to open his eyes, a sight of man lying in front of him, covered by his own blood. Seongwu saw how he tried to reach out for the man, his trembling hands made its way towards the man’s face, but he was too late. The man slowly closed his eyes while smiling, while whispering that he loves him. Seongwu closed his eyes, too, but he opened them only to see a white background and a blank memory.

 

Seongwu opened his eyes once again, but now, he was greeted by the rays of the sun on the window of his bedroom. It was a nightmare again. How long would he dream about that accident? How long would it take for him to know who it was? As much as he wanted to sleep and dream about it again, he couldn’t.

 

Seongwu decided to stand up from lying. He fixed his bedsheet, his blanket and his pillow before he went to the bathroom and take a bath. His mind was full of thoughts when he suddenly thought about Sungwoon. He hurriedly finished taking a bath, picked up any cloth he could see and finished getting ready in just 5 minutes. He picked up his bag from the floor and proceeded on walking out his room.

 

He was greeted with nothing. Seongwu roamed his eyes around the apartment but there was no sign of Sungwoon. From the kitchen, to the living room, to front of the storage room, there was no sign of Sungwoon, “He really did leave, huh?” Seongwu muttered to himself.

 

All could Seongwu did was to let out a heavy sigh as he get his shoes from the shoe rack. It felt different without Sungwoon, if he must say, it was more quiet than when they usually bicker before. It was quiet without Sungwoon’s constant greetings every time they saw each other around.

 

But there’s nothing Seongwu could do but to accept the fact that he was gone, or he was not. Because right when Seongwu opened the door of his apartment, there he saw Sungwoon sleeping on the floor beside the door. He was sleeping soundly that he didn’t notice Seongwu was there. Though as much as Seongwu didn’t want him to sleep there and make him go inside, he couldn’t wake him up, “Why are you sleeping here when you could enter the apartment again?” Seongwu asked as he rummaged through his things.

 

He got a sticky note and a pen and there he wrote. He returned the rest of the sticky note and his pen inside his bag. He was about to paste it on the floor where Sungwoon could see when he noticed something. There was no white smoke around him anymore. And his skin, which used to be white pale, turned into the normal pale skin of a human.

 

He looked at Sungwoon’s face, who was sleeping soundly, and tried to paste the sticky note on his forehead instead of putting it on the floor. And magically, it was pasted on his skin, “How in the world?” Seongwu whispered to himself. He flinched on his position when his phone suddenly rang on his pocket, “Fuck, Jaehwan!” He cursed before he stood up and ran so that it won’t wake Sungwoon up.

 

But that’s what he thought. The moment Sungwoon couldn’t hear anything, he opened his eyes and roamed it around the hallway. There was no sign of Seongwu. He stood up from lying on the floor and got the sticky note on his forehead. Sungwoon automatically smiled to himself as he read what was written.

 

_Go inside and sleep. It’s cold outside. —ddeongwu_

 

~

 

“What? Are you crazy?” Jaehwan exclaimed the moment Seongwu narrated everything that happened that night, “That ghost will probably start bothering you, now that he knows he is not a normal person!” Jaehwan shook his head in disbelief.

 

“But I blurted it out accidentally. I don’t even want him to find out, you know, or even my neighbours. But it happened already. I was so mad that I couldn’t help but to tell him the truth,” Seongwu defended himself from his friends.

 

Woojin gave him an eye and a raise on his brows, “What are you so mad for? And what if the deliveryman knows? It’s not like someone would totally believe him if he would shout it all over the building that there was a ghost in your unit,” Woojin said.

 

“That’s not it,” Seongwu messed up with his hair in frustration, “I didn’t want Sungwoon to know that he was a ghost. I wanted him to live like a normal person, to live like me.”

 

Both Jaehwan and Woojin looked at each other and exchanged their glances before they turn their heads to Seongwu, “You didn’t want him to know because you wanted him to live like a normal person and not because you didn’t want him to bother you?” Jaehwan raised his eyebrows, “Seriously, Seongwu hyung. What’s wrong with you these past few weeks?”

 

“That was both of my reasons,” Seongwu defended, “I want him to live like a normal person so he wouldn’t know he was a ghost and he wouldn’t bother me with his past life,” He said but neither the two of his friends believed him.

 

“Hyung,” Woojin called him out, “Tell us the truth. We won’t judge you anyways,” The younger said as he stared at Seongwu with his full attention, “Do you care about the ghost that much?”

 

“I—“ Seongwu choked, “I m-mean, I guess there’s nothing wrong. Beside he was good to me, he was not doing anything that could harm me and he was—“ Seongwu looked up to the two, “He was—cute!”

 

“Oh no,” Jaehwan put his palms on his face while Woojin shook his head while laughing, “Are you serious? You find the ghost cute? Instead of feeling scared right now, you still find him cute?” Jaehwan and Woojin couldn’t help not to laugh at all.

 

“Ahh, you are really something, Seongwu hyung!” Woojin called out while laughing, his tummy ached due to laughing nonstop, “After that accident, I never thought you would see ghosts and now you are falling in love with them.”

 

“Hey!” Seongwu exclaimed, throwing papers at the younger, “I never said I was falling in love with him.”

 

“That’s basically the same thing, hyung,” Jaehwan answered after recovering from the laughter, “Anyways, what was the name of the ghost again?”

 

“Sungwoon,” Seongwu answered, smiling. Jaehwan literally stopped from moving as he glanced at Woojin, looking at him with the same expression, “What’s with that faces? I told you last week, though.”

 

“How about the surname? Do you know his surname?” Woojin asked him immediately, making Seongwu shook his head at him.

 

“I don’t really know. He never told me about it. Why are you asking?” Seongwu looked at him in confusion but Woojin just shook his head at him and looked at Jaehwan in his front.

 

“Nothing,” Woojin laughed awkwardly, “The name just sounds familiar. I think I heard it somewhere before,” Woojin answered and Seongwu just nodded at him. Both Jaehwan and Woojin looked at each other, nervous could be seen on their eyes, but neither of them said anything.

 

~ 

 

Even when Seongwu felt tired once his classes were done, he still went to to the grocery to fill up his stock of food inside his apartment. Seongwu wanted to buy every food he laid his eyes upon, since it wasn’t only him who will eat. Though they were not talking to each other the past few days, even though Sungwoon seemed like he was avoiding him, Seongwu still cared about him.

 

Seongwu bought every snack he thought Sungwoon would love to munch on when he watch Mr. Bean on the television. He even brought him a banana milk that he said he would like to taste when he watched the advertisement. Seongwu even knew how Sungwoon love eating jjajangmyeon so he brought some instant noodles he could cook while Seongwu is in the university.

 

He returned home and saw Sungwoon watching Mr. Bean again while lying on the couch. When he noticed that Seongwu was home, he immediately stood up and sat properly. Seongwu almost bursts out laughing but then he remembered they were not in good terms. Sungwoon tried not to look at him as he focused on watching his favourite cartoon.

 

On the other hand, Seongwu fixed the grocery and put them inside the top shelf of the cabinets. After fixing it, he cooked some instant jjajangmyeon that he bought for Sungwoon. He divided the noodles into two bowl, one for him and one for Sungwoon, who was still busy watching.

 

He went to his room to bring his own bowl and get a sticky note. He went out to stick it on the tray where he had put Sungwoon’s bowl of jjajangmyeon, a small plate of kimchi and a glass of water. After that, he picked up the tray and put it on the center table. Sungwoon watched the younger put it down before he walked towards his room.

 

_You’re favourite jjajangmyeon while watching Mr. Bean? —ddeongwu_

 

~

 

Ever since the last two days, Seongwu was feeling bit under the weather. Maybe because of the nightmare he had every night since last week. As much as Seongwu wanted to go home and rest his body, he couldn’t. He still got his late night classes up until 10 in the evening and it was only 7 that time. He still got 3 hours to endure before he go home but he thought that the 3-hour class will only just cause him sleeping on his armchair.

 

Seongwu felt his head was throbbing real hard as he felt the cold embracing his body. Seongwu felt like he was getting a fever that time but he still managed to finished the class and took the surprise exam about the lesson he barely understood. After they were dismissed, he stood up immediately from his seat and went straight to his apartment.

 

Seongwu even forget that Sungwoon was inside, sitting on the couch while waiting for him. Sungwoon was worried for him since he arrived home late than usual. Sungwoon stood up the moment the door creaked open and showed a sick and pale Seongwu, barely holding up his strength to walk properly. Sungwoon wanted to come near him but he knew they were not in good terms. As much as he wanted to guide him inside his bed, he couldn’t. And so he watched the younger walk slowly towards his bedroom.

 

After a few moments, Sungwoon heard him vomiting inside his room. Sungwoon was so worried that he couldn’t help but to enter the bedroom. He immediately went to the bathroom where Seongwu was kneeling in front of the bowl, “Are you sick? Why are you vomiting?” Sungwoon asked him but the younger didn’t answer.

 

After vomiting, Sungwoon guided him to his bed and help him change into much comfortable clothes. He covered him with the comforter and landed his palm on Seongwu’s forehead. He flinched when he was greeted by the hot temperature of his body, “You have a high fever. What did you even do to school?”

 

“I studied,” Seongwu answered him but Sungwoon rolled his eyes at his obvious answer. Sungwoon covered him again with the comforter and stood up to leave the room, “Hyung,” Seongwu called out as he held the older’s hands, “Where are you going? Don’t leave me.”

 

Sungwoon glanced at Seongwu’s hands holding his own. He patted it with his hands and smiled, “I’m going to the kitchen to cook some soup for you. Do you have any medicines here?”

 

Seongwu nodded, still holding onto his hands, “Yes, on the drawer,” Seongwu answered. The younger looked like he didn’t even have any plans to let go of Sungwoon’s hands when he clasped it with his own.

 

“Okay,” Sungwoon tried to unclasp their hands but Seongwu didn’t want to let go, “Let go of me so I could cook something for you, Ddeongwu-ssi,” Sungwoon warned him. For the first time, Sungwoon acted like he was really the older between the two of them. 

 

Seongwu just nodded at him like a puppy and hid himself under the comforter, “Please come back immediately,” Seongwu pleaded, making Sungwoon flustered so he went out of the room and closed the door behind him. Sungwoon immediately started rummaging towards the cabinet where the stock of food was placed. Sungwoon knew how he couldn’t cook anything so he decided to just cook the pack of chicken noodle soup.

 

It was unexpected for him, to be able to touch anything he wanted. He could even cook now, unlike before, where he couldn’t even lift a set of chopsticks. Ever since he knew the truth about him being a ghost, the white smoke following him around started to disappear. Sungwoon couldn’t understand anything but right now, he felt like he was really alive.

 

When he finished cooking the soup, he put it on a bowl and placed it on a tray. He also got a glass of water and put it beside the bowl before he finds the medicine for the fever. Seongwu brought the tray inside Seongwu’s room. The younger fell asleep due to his fever so Sungwoon went to wake him up.

 

Sungwoon stroke his hair slowly, “Ddeongwu, wake up and eat. You need to drink your medicine,” He said while he slightly tapped the younger on his arms. Seongwu opened his eyes and Sungwoon helped him to stand up from lying. Sungwoon got the bowl of soup and blow it while stirring. When it was not hot enough, he scooped a little and feed it to Seongwu.

 

“Thank you,” Seongwu said to Sungwoon after he finished eating. Sungwoon just smiled at him, hiding the hint of red enveloping his cheeks. Seongwu couldn’t hide the amusement to the reaction of the older so he broke into a smile, despite of having a fever.

 

Seongwu was still not feeling well so he couldn’t finish the whole bowl of soup. He also drank the medicine for his fever after resting for few minutes. Sungwoon stood up and brought the dishes to the kitchen to wash them. After doing the dishes, he went back to check on Seongwu who was already sleeping on his bed.

 

Sungwoon sat beside him and stroke the younger’s hair in a slow manner as he hummed an unknown melody. He stayed like that for a while as he watched the younger sleep on his side, “Will I be selfish if I said I want to live normally here with you?”

 

Seongwu slowly opened his eyes, his gaze locking with Sungwoon’s eyes. Seongwu found his way to hold Sungwoon’s hands as he intertwined it with his own, “Do you want to be selfish, then?” He whispered but still loud enough for Sungwoon to hear.

 

Sungwoon nodded at him, slowly but surely, as he gripped on the younger’s hand tightly. Like he didn’t want to let go, “I want to know why I died, how I died, what was in my past. I want to know the real me before I left the world. But I just wanted to be here with you. I wanted to stay.”

 

They both knew what they were talking about. They both knew where this was heading to. As the both stared at each other’s eyes, the feelings that were not supposed to be there in the first place, bursts outside their chests. The feelings they were not supposed to feel for each other became visible after hiding it for days. After avoiding each other, after the confrontation, they finally looked at each other’s eyes with nothing but longing.

 

Seongwu wanted Sungwoon to be selfish. Seongwu wanted him to stay. So he did something he should not have done. He got up from lying and faced a flustered Sungwoon. His hands made its way towards Sungwoon’s face, their lips inches apart. Sungwoon could feel to warm breath of Seongwu against his lips and his heart throbbing fast on his chest. Seongwu moved closer, closing the gap that was separating them, unknowingly closing the gap between his world and Sungwoon’s own world.

 

Sungwoon felt the warm lips of the younger, against his own. Seongwu hands that used to be on his face were now on his waist, pulling him closer. Sungwoon felt the urge to respond the kiss and so he did. Seongwu felt him, he felt his lips, he felt his warmth, like he was not a ghost, like he was alive. With tears slipping from his eyes, he entered Sungwoon and the older let him explore him with his mouth.

 

Seongwu deepened the kiss between them, as he slid his tongue inside Sungwoon. Sungwoon let him inside of him, as they kissed each other too passionately. Seongwu broke from the kiss and let his forehead rest against the older, his eyes were looking intently at Sungwoon’s eyes, “I want you here...with me,” Seongwu finally said.

 

Sungwoon let out the tears from his eyes and Seongwu wiped it away for him. Seongwu made his way to kiss him again, this time, more careful and cautious, to not hurt Sungwoon. Seongwu kissed him like Sungwoon would disappear tomorrow.

 

That’s when he should have prevented it from happening. He should have avoided him since the beginning. But he was not regretting any of it, because he fell in love with a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys like to ask me something about the fic or talk to me,,, here’s my twitter [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/sungwoondrous)


	5. 5.

“Hi.”

 

Seongwu slowly opened his eyes and was greeted by Sungwoon with a sweet smile landed on his face. Seongwu rubbed his eyes with his fingers to clearly see who was clinging onto his arms, “Good morning!” greeted by Sungwoon.

 

Seongwu automatically smiled as he messed up with Sungwoon’s hair, “Good morning,” Seongwu greeted back, which made the older smile widely once again.

 

“You don’t have your classes today, right?” Sungwoon asked as he got up from lying. Seongwu nodded and followed him around while he fixed the bed even when Seongwu was still there, “Ya! Get up from lying. It’s already 9 in the morning!”

 

Seongwu rolled his eyes in disbelief. Never had he imagined Sungwoon to be the nagger type of person but he still followed him anyway. Sungwoon fixed his slippers on the floor so that Seongwu could slip his feet easily, “Wait. What’s that smell?” Seongwu asked when he smelled something.

 

“You’ll see, c’mon,” Sungwoon cheered energetically and pulled Seongwu by his arms. Sungwoon brought him to the kitchen and surprised him with a breakfast, “Surprise!” He said.

 

Seongwu looked so taken a back by the cooked breakfast in front of him, “Y-you d-did t-this?” Seongwu asked, roaming his eyes around the dishes placed on the table.

 

“Well,” Sungwoon shrugged with a smile, “You were sick last night and so I figured maybe I could cook some breakfast for the two of us,” Sungwoon giggled, scratching the back of his head, “But don’t expect too much. I’m still adjusting with my cooking skills so this is just so-so.”

 

Seongwu laughed and sat on one of the chairs, “This is amazing,” He said, “Thank you,” Seongwu muttered, looking intently at Sungwoon’s eyes. Sungwoon blushed to that acknowledgement as he sat across the younger. Seongwu started to scoop himself some of the fried rice, a sausage and an egg. He shove it everything on his mouth while Sungwoon watched him eat what he cooked. 

 

It was edible, Seongwu thought. Though he tasted something bitter between his chews, he didn’t mind. It was Sungwoon’s effort, after all, to cook them breakfast. Sungwoon also feed himself and almost puke out the rice he shoved on his mouth, “What the fuck?” Sungwoon said. He immediately stopped Seongwu from shoving it on his mouth, “Don’t eat. It is not delicious!”

 

“Why?” Seongwu asked, still shoving it on his mouth. Sungwoon glared at him but he giggled, “It’s yummy, though,” He said but Sungwoon was not buying it. Of course, he knew how bad it taste like but Seongwu still ate it as if it was the most delicious food he had ever eaten. Sungwoon sighed and gave up, as he also shove himself with a mouthful of the fried rice.

 

“I was just thinking,” Sungwoon started, chewing the food on his mouth as he looked at Seongwu, “If we are—you know,” Sungwoon continued but Seongwu just give him a _what_ look, “If we are...like...sort of...dating?” Sungwoon stated.

 

Seongwu immediately coughed with the food on his mouth as he heard what Sungwoon had said. Sungwoon handed him a glass of water which he gladly drank as soon as possible. When he had recovered, he looked at Sungwoon, who was giving him an expectant look, “What did you say?”

 

Sungwoon scratched the back of his head, “I’m asking if we are dating—like dating as a couple, you know,” Sungwoon raised his eyebrows at him.

 

Seongwu couldn’t help not to blush at the thought of dating Sungwoon. He admitted, Sungwoon was really out of his league but somehow he saw how Sungwoon affected him too much, that he fell in love, “I-I...” He hesitated.

 

“I mean—if you don’t like the idea, it’s fine,” Sungwoon laughed awkwardly, “Like who would like the idea of dating me, right, dating a ghost?” Sungwoon said, ignoring Seongwu’s gaze.

 

“Me,” Seongwu stated, “I like the idea,” He said, making Sungwoon lift up his head and look at the younger, “It wouldn’t harm me, right? What do you think? Do you want to date me?” Seongwu smirked, “I mean, I’m pretty famous on our university. Bet you wouldn’t—“

 

“Fine, fine! We are dating, okay?” Sungwoon immediately cut him off which made Seongwu giggle on his seat, “So 23 is our date, don’t you ever forget that Ddeongwu-ssi,” Sungwoon said, making Seongwu nod at him multiple times. They both smile at each other before they return to eating.

 

Both Sungwoon and Seongwu were lying on the couch while watching Sungwoon’s favourite cartoon, Mr. Bean. Seongwu’s arms were wrapped around him while Sungwoon was resting his head on his chest. Seongwu was beyond delightful, knowing he wasn’t alone anymore, knowing he had Sungwoon in his life now. Sungwoon was busy laughing when Seongwu’s phone suddenly rang. Sungwoon picked it up from the table and handed it to Seongwu.

 

“Jaehwan,” Seongwu greeted once he answered the call, “Why did you call?”

 

“You forgot, didn’t you?” Jaehwan said on the other line.

 

“What?” Seongwu asked him. Sungwoon looked up to him while he talk to Jaehwan, “What did I forget?”

 

“It’s been 2 months. It’s the 23rd today, remember?” Jaehwan reminded him. Seongwu immediately nod in response, though his friend wouldn’t see him, “We need to visit the grave. We didn’t visit him on his first month, maybe now we could pay him a visit, at least.”

 

Seongwu looked at Sungwoon, who was looking at him too, “Fine, maybe it’s the time to finally meet him,” Jaehwan hummed on the other line, “But I’ll be taking a stroll this afternoon. Maybe let’s just meet there?”

 

“Who are you with? Let us go with you. Woojin is here in my dorm,” Jaehwan said, automatically hearing a response from the younger who was probably busy with his games.

 

“No, no,” Seongwu declined, “I am with someone. Probably next time, okay?” Seongwu laughed at Jaehwan’s sudden whine, “I’ll meet you at the cemetery,” Jaehwan hummed before he hang up the call.

 

“Are we going somewhere?” Sungwoon looked up to him. Seongwu nodded and kissed him on his forehead, “Where are we going?” 

 

“We are going on a date!” Seongwu cheered, making Sungwoon delighted by the news, “Shall we get going?” Seongwu asked him. Sungwoon nodded enthusiastically like a puppy, “Then we should probably get ready by now.”

 

“Yeah, you get ready. I’ll be watching Mr. Bean while waiting for you,” Sungwoon said as Seongwu stood up from the couch.

 

Seongwu gave him a questioning look, “How about you? You’re not gonna get ready?” Sungwoon raised his eyebrows at him and looked at his body. Seongwu laughed when he realized how stupid can he get. Of course, Sungwoon didn’t have any clothes so he will be wearing his usual white outfit, “Don’t worry, we’ll get you new clothes later!” He said.

 

Sungwoon was hopping excitedly as they went to the nearest mall along the area. They were holding each other’s hands, intertwined tightly, as they stroll around the mall. Obviously, people would stare at them, rather, stare at Seongwu who was seen by others alone and not with Sungwoon. But Seongwu didn’t mind, as long as he was with Sungwoon.

 

All they did was window shopping, Seongwu was a broke college student who was sustaining his own. Sungwoon laughed at that thought, because he was not demanding Seongwu to buy him any stuff he find cute inside the mall, “Let’s buy you a new pair of clothes!” Seongwu said, pulling him towards a boutique.

 

Sungwoon was amazed by the amount of beautiful clothes that could fit perfectly on his tiny body. Seongwu was rummaging towards the set of clothes until he found something that was suitable for Sungwoon, a black and white striped shirt which he paired to a ripped jeans, “Try this one,” He said.

 

Sungwoon excitedly nodded and proceeded on the fitting room on the corner of the shop. Luckily, they were only the customers during that time so Sungwoon could freely try the clothes that Seongwu picked for him. Sungwoon went out, wearing the shirt and the jeans, but Seongwu found it still hanging inside the fitting room, “Woah, you look good,” said by Seongwu as Sungwoon faced the mirror.

 

“Do you think so?” Sungwoon asked him as he turned around in front of the mirror, “Do I look great?”

 

Seongwu smiled earnestly, “Definitely. C’mon, let’s pay for it!” Seongwu said, grabbing the clothes that were hanging inside the fitting room and went to the cashier to pay for it.

 

“The sizes are too small for you, Sir. Would you like me to get the medium size for you?” The cashier stated as he stared at Seongwu from head to toe.

 

Seongwu laughed, “No, it’s not for me. It’s for my boyfriend,” Seongwu said, resulting for the cashier to be surprised. Sungwoon blushed at what Seongwu called him, so the younger held his hands under the counter, “Thank you,” Seongwu said after paying for it.

 

“Ddeongwu, I’m hungry!” Sungwoon said after they left the shop. Sungwoon pointed out at the tteokbokki shop across the street, “Let’s eat there!” He requested. Seongwu messed his hair with a smile and let the older drag him towards the shop.

 

“1 order of tteokbokki and 1 order of gimbap for Seongwu,” The waiter approached them minutes after ordering. Sungwoon clapped his hands in excitement as he grabbed the chopsticks that were placed on the table.

 

Seongwu watched him shove the spicy rice cake on his face as he chew it with his fluffy cheeks, “Is it yummy?” Seongwu asked him and Sungwoon nodded. Seongwu smiled while wiping the excess sauce on Sungwoon’s lips.

 

“He’s weird. Who is he talking to?” The man beside him said to his friends, “I know right. I think he’s crazy!” His friend answered, showing Seongwu a disgusted look. Seongwu didn’t mind and continued on eating, but Sungwoon heard it too, and now he was concerned on how it could affect the image of Seongwu when he was with him.

 

“Are you okay? You seemed like you are not talking. Didn’t you enjoy the food?” Seongwu said after they left the food shop and was now waiting for the bus that would take them to the cemetery, “Is there a problem?” 

 

Sungwoon shook his head and tried his best to give his boyfriend a smile, “No, no. I am just sleepy, don’t worry,” Sungwoon said.

 

The bus arrived and they both hopped inside. Seongwu went straight to the two vacant seats and motioned Sungwoon to sit beside the window. A few moment, a young lady rode the bus but there was no seat available except for the one where Sungwoon was sitting, “Excuse me, can I seat beside you?”

 

Seongwu looked up to the lady before he glanced at Sungwoon who was ready to get up from sitting. But Seongwu shook his head at the lady, “Sorry, this seat is taken,” He said as he placed the paper bag on top of Sungwoon. Sungwoon gave him a look but Seongwu just smiled at him. He patted his own shoulders, “You’re sleepy, right? Take a nap, it would take us half an hour to get there.”

 

Sungwoon smiled at how Seongwu treated him like his usual self. Sungwoon laid his head on Seongwu’s shoulders and somehow he could feel the love he was craving for. Maybe that’s why he was still in this world, maybe that’s why he was still lurking around, because he never felt loved in his past life.

 

But now Seongwu was doing it, and Sungwoon wished he was still alive. So that he could be with Seongwu for real.

 

~

 

“You’re finally here,” Jaehwan greeted Seongwu alongside with Woojin, who was waiting for him at the entrance of the cemetery, “The grave is near so we could just walk all the way there,” Seongwu nodded at the younger. He glanced at Sungwoon who was holding his hand and somehow they both felt nervous as they enter the place. But neither of them acknowledged it.

 

The walk was peaceful and quiet. The four of them were walking on the walkway, with the cold breeze embracing their bodies. Seongwu felt the cold enveloping his skin, and so as Jaehwan and Woojin, but Sungwoon remained unbothered. He was a ghost, after all.

 

After 10 minutes of walking, they finally arrived at the street where the man who saved Seongwu and gave his second life, was buried. Seongwu’s hands were trembling as he held onto Sungwoon’s hands. There was something strange he started to feel as soon as they approached the grave. His steps were slow, as he gathered his strength to face him, his saviour.

 

“I don’t know if he was the same man you are talking about,” Jaehwan started when they arrived in front of the grave, “The ghost you are living with in your apartment,” Jaehwan said, pointing on the name carved on the grave. Seongwu gave him a look before he glanced at it. Sungwoon suddenly lost the grip on the younger’s hands as he froze from where he was standing.

 

As soon as Seongwu laid his eyes upon the grave, the name written on it made him lose the strength he had on his body. Seongwu didn’t know what to feel as he let his fingers stroke the gravestone where the name was carved, “Ha...Ha Sungwoon?” He choked on his words as he looked up to Sungwoon who was breaking down on his side.

 

Sungwoon was crying real hard, as he stared at his own gravestone, “This is me, Ddeongwu. This is my name,” He said, repeatedly, while tears ran down his face continuously, “This is my grave!”

 

“You...” Seongwu looked at him with tears on his eyes, as he stroke Sungwoon’s face with his fingers. Sungwoon held his hands tightly, almost popping the veins on his hands, “You...you saved me? It was...you?”

 

Jaehwan and Woojin both looked at Seongwu, who was talking to someone, whom they assume was Sungwoon. Jaehwan approached the older and caress his the back of Seongwu, “Are you with him, hyung? Is Sungwoon hyung here with you?” Jaehwan asked, Seongwu nodding at his question.

 

“What happened? What happened in that accident?” Seongwu cried his heart out as he tapped Jaehwan’s shoulders many times over, “Tell me what happened. Why can’t I remember anything?”

 

“Hyung,” Woojin called out, trying to calm him down. But Seongwu was too persistent to know what really happened. After losing his memories, he said to himself that he wouldn’t care about what happened in his past. But he wanted it now, he wanted to know how he killed Sungwoon, how he resulted him to die, “Hyung, you broke up with Daniel hyung that time. He broke up with you at the same night. You were crying real hard and you told us to come over to drink. And so we did. You saw us on the other side of the street and we told you to just stay there, but you crossed the street,” Woojin narrated, “Then there was a car and it was about to hit you real hard but Sungwoon pushed you away. After that, we both saw you lying on the ground. Your head was bleeding, but Sungwoon was covered with his own blood all over his body.”

 

“Hyung,” Jaehwan called, “Hyung, he was dead on arrival,” The younger said, resulting Seongwu to cried his heart out as he looked at Sungwoon on his side. Sungwoon who was listening all along, finally gained his memories back. Memories came crushing down on his mind, now that he knew the reason why and how he died. Sungwoon watched himself slowly fading away, his skin slowly returning into his white pale skin like before, the smoke which followed him around started to appear again.

 

“No, hyung, no,” Seongwu grabbed his hands immediately, “No, don’t leave! Hyung, don’t leave me, please. Stay here, stay here with me!” Seongwu cried his heart out. Jaehwan and Woojin were stopping him but he continued on grabbing Sungwoon’s hands.

 

“Seongwu,” For the first time, Sungwoon called him by his real name, “Seongwu, I need to leave. My time is up,” Sungwoon said.

 

“No, no, please, no,” Seongwu pleaded him, gripping tightly on his hands as he cry, “I am sorry, because of me—because of me you died. If it weren’t for me, you are still alive. I am sorry, please, don’t leave me again.”

 

“Seongwu,” Seongwu felt the touch of the older, that once was warm but now it was nothing but cold, “Seongwu, I saved you because I was your best friend. I did that because I love you, so much, that I had dealt with the pain of seeing you with Daniel. And even if I died, I died because of you. And I never regretted that, until now,” Sungwoon said, stroking the younger’s cheeks with his cold fingers, “Don’t blame yourself. Be happy, okay? Thank you for the almost 2 months of letting me feel loved. Thank you for finally reciprocating the feelings I have for you.”

 

Sungwoon smiled, a smile that had reached his eyes. A genuine smile Seongwu would always remember. But it was time for him to leave, the world, Seongwu and their memories. He had to leave him, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys like to ask me something about the fic or talk to me,,, here’s my twitter [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/sungwoondrous)


	6. end.

_“Let’s break up,” Daniel said one night. Seongwu didn’t heard it for the first time, “Let’s break up,” Daniel said it again. Seongwu looked at him in disbelief, “I said, let’s break up.”_

 

_“I heard you,” Seongwu said, removing his hands on the younger’s arms, “Why are we breaking up again, Daniel?” Seongwu asked him as he faced Daniel with a confused look, “Aren’t we cool?”_

 

_“I’ve had enough, hyung. Are you hearing yourself? Are we really cool?” Daniel let out a sarcastic laugh, “I felt like I was the one who should ask you that. Seongwu hyung, are we cool? Because I felt like I was just an option to you. I am your boyfriend, in case you have forgotten, but seems like even if you are with me, your mind is still somewhere else. Your mind is with Sungwoon hyung.”_

 

_“Are we fighting over Sungwoon hyung again? Fuck Daniel, he is my best friend and you know that!” Seongwu blurted out._

 

_“Best friends?” Daniel laughed as he shook his head, “I think it’s more than just best friends. Hyung, tell me,” Daniel looked at him in his eyes and he saw how Seongwu’s eyes was wavering, “Are you in love with your best friend?”_

_“Daniel,” Seongwu called out, “This is our problem, this is our relationship. Stop putting Sungwoon hyung between us, he’s out of our problem.”_

_“No,” Daniel fought back, “This is not only about the two of us. This is always about the three of us. Tell me the truth, Seongwu hyung. Are you really in love with me? Or are you just dating me to avoid the fact that you are in love with your best friend all along? Are you using me so that you could hide your feelings and save your friendship?”_

_Seongwu stared at him blankly. He didn’t answer. He didn’t even put any effort to defend himself. Because it was true. Everything that Daniel said was true. He was in love with his best friend, he was in love with Sungwoon. But he couldn’t let his feelings destroy the friendship they had built for years._

_“Hyung, I love you, so much,” Daniel cried out, “But you are in love with him, as much as I wanted to be selfish and keep you to myself, I couldn’t. Because your heart isn’t with me, it’s with Sungwoon hyung.”_

_“I’m sorry,” was all that Seongwu could say. He was selfish, he knew. For using Daniel, for taking advantage of what the younger felt for him. He used him so that he could hide his true feelings and he hated himself for that._

_“Hyung...let’s break up,” Daniel said, leaving him under the lamppost, crying his heart out. He watched how Daniel turned his back to him, how Daniel walked away from him that night. And it hurt him, real bad._

_He reached his phone on his pocket and dialled the number he usually calls, “S-sungwoon hyung—“ He choked on his words._

_“Ddeongwu, what’s wrong?” Sungwoon asked him on the other line._

_“Daniel broke up with me. Let’s drink,” He said, while hiding the fact that he didn’t want to drink because of the break up but because of the feelings he had for Sungwoon that he just started to recognize._

_Everything happened in just a short span of time. He saw Jaehwan and Woojin waving their hands at him on the other side of the street, but Sungwoon was just staring at him. He wanted to hug him so bad, he wanted to admit the feelings he had for him. That’s why he crossed the street, without even looking, with his eyes all fixed towards Sungwoon._

_Then he saw a bright headlight towards him. Sungwoon ran towards him, “Seongwu!” He called. A loud screech enveloped them as Sungwoon pushed him a way. Then he heard a deafening bang on his head that made him fall from where he was standing. His head was aching real hard, as he noticed the blood dripping through his neck. He slowly opened his eyes, and then there he saw Sungwoon, covered by his own blood._

_Seongwu tried to reach out for him, as he extend his arms towards the older. Sungwoon looked at him in his eyes as he smiled, “I love you, Seongwu. I love you..” He said before he closed his eyes._

_Everything happened so fast that all Seongwu could hear was the sound of the ambulance. He heard someone calling his name, he figured it was not the sound of Sungwoon’s voice. His had been losing to much blood on his head that he didn’t remember anything afterwards._

_The moment he opened his eyes once again, he forgot everything that happened. He had forgotten Sungwoon and his feelings for him, he had forgotten how Sungwoon saved him from dying, he had forgotten that Sungwoon was also in love with him._

“Hi.” 

Seongwu opened his eyes at the sound of Sungwoon’s voice. It’s been, what, 1 month ever since Sungwoon disappeared with the wind. This was his first day living in the apartment again after Sungwoon left and he couldn’t hide the fact that it felt different living without the older. 

Seongwu stood up from lying half-awake as he finds his another pair of slippers under his bed, which was used to be fixed by the older every time he wakes up. 

Another day, living the guilt of being the cause of Sungwoon’s death. As much as he wanted to, well, forget everything, he just couldn’t. It had been 1 month and it felt like it was still new to him. 

From the day he moved in, to the day they watched a horror film, to the first meal they had shared, to the first fight, to the time he was sick and Sungwoon took care of him, to the time they shared their first kiss, their first date, until to the time they had to say goodbye. 

Everything happened so fast but Seongwu could remember everything so clear, like it just happened yesterday. It felt like everything was real, like he was really in love with Sungwoon. 

Seongwu made his way towards the storage room that had been locked up since 3 months ago. Seongwu picked up the keys that were placed on the vase beside the shoe rack but he noticed something. There was a sticky note pasted on one of the racks. 

_Hi. Don’t forget to put your shoes on the rack once you are home! —ddeongwoonie._

Seongwu smiled as he read what was written. He stood up and got keys to open the storage room. It was painted in blue, with clouds painted in white on the edge. Multiple picture frames were hanging on the wall, their pictures together. This was where Sungwoon had lived with Seongwu before, that’s why he was lurking around the apartment. Seongwu left once he dated Daniel but Sungwoon didn’t bother removing Seongwu’s stuff inside his own room. Maybe that’s why Seongwu felt home the moment he moved in again. 

Seongwu decided to clean Sungwoon’s room and fix his things in an organised manner. Everything screamed Sungwoon, from the color of the room, up to the design of his bed sheet, down to the slippers beside the bed and until to the pictures that were hanging on the wall. Seongwu felt like he was still with Sungwoon with all the things that had reminded of him. 

When he was done cleaning, he felt the hunger on his tummy as he roamed around the kitchen. He opened the cabinet to see what he could cook easily then the instant jjajangmyeon caught his eyes. But a sticky note caught his attention that was pasted on the back of the cabinet. 

_Hi. Don’t you always eat jjajangmyeon and have a proper meal! —ddeongwoonie._

“Just for now, Sungwoon hyung,” Seongwu said while grabbing a pack of instant jjajangmyeon he could cook for his lunch. After he was done, he brought it along the living room so that he could watch the television. But again, a sticky note was pasted on the corner of the television. 

_Hi. Don’t forget to watch Mr. Bean occasionally! —ddeongwoonie._

Seongwu felt a tear streaming down his face as he held the sticky note on his hands. He couldn’t help not to feel broken without Sungwoon. After all that they had been through, Seongwu felt the love he have for Sungwoon was just getting stronger and stronger each day, “I miss you, hyung. I miss you so much. I wish you were here,” He said, hoping he had the courage to admit his feelings before, when Sungwoon was still alive. 

Seongwu was not afraid of ghosts. Ever since he woke up with lost memories, ever since he woke up after that accident, he saw several ghosts that had been lurking around the Earth. 

But this one tiny ghost caught his attention. His smile, his skin, his lips, and even his eyes. Seongwu found himself falling for the ghost. But maybe, just maybe, Seongwu didn’t fall in love with the ghost. Because he was already in love with him even before he died. 

He was in love with him. 

He was in love with Sungwoon. 

And he was in love with his ghost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys like to ask me something about the fic or talk to me,,, here’s my twitter [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/sungwoondrous)


End file.
